New year, New Start

New School Year

Unless you’re living in a cave or you’ve decided to ignore all those school-related emails and hide with your children in some secret compartment of the Disney cruise ship, you’re probably aware that we’re about to launch into a new school year. You’ve downloaded a list of must-have school supplies, read articles on helping your child adjust to his or her new teacher, and depending on how the economy’s treated you, maybe even gone shopping for some new school clothes.

But there’s one thing you might want to think about doing that has nothing to do with conventional school year preparations. Consider the role stress plays in your child’s adjustment to school, as well as your family’s enjoyment of the morning send off and the evening homework experience. I’m going to suggest a few things that you can do to set a smooth course as you begin the school year anew.

1. Relax. There is nothing, I repeat nothing that will add to morning or homework drama like making it appear to your kids like it’s a life or death issue, leading them to believe that their sluggish behavior has the ability to knock you off your feet.

2. Use what I refer to as Act I and Act II to come alongside your child when he’s resistance or upset, rather than coming at them with advice, demands or instructions when he or she isn’t yet receptive.

3. Allow extra time for everything as their bodies adjust to the new rhythm of waking early, getting to bed earlier, and having less free time.

4. Make sure your kids have adequate unstructured playtime, ideally out in nature. Don’t make homework and/or after school activities so desperately important that you neglect to give your children time to be children. Kids need to play, and that is not the same as organized athletic activities.

5. Set guidelines at the beginning of the school year regarding the amount of video games/ TV/ Internet use to avoid daily arguments and battles. Some families allow one TV show per night. Others have no TV or video games during the school week. Announce the plan with authority, and use Act I to compassionately handle your kids’ reactions.

6. Show a genuine and sincere interest in something your child is learning about at least twice a week. Whether it’s looking up the origin of the “+” sign with your 2nd grader, or engaging in a discussion about the pros and cons of drilling in the Arctic with your 11^th grader, demonstrate to your kids that you find their education of value.

7. Turn off the TV shut down the computer, and put your cell phone on vibrate for at least 20 minutes a day to give your kids real attention that is not related to getting them to do homework, prepare for bed, or do chores. Just hang out with them for a few minutes day deepening your connection, and watch life get easier.

It’s my first year without the back to school rituals having dropped my boy/man off at college about three weeks ago. Instead of school supplies we bought pillows and blankets. I have no idea if, where or when he does his homework, given that he’s 3,000 miles away. And as much as I don’t miss waking up to do the morning breakfast or drive (which were minimal), believe me…I miss him like crazy.

So do what you can in advance to set a smooth course for the coming year, and keep in mind what’s most important: Enjoying your kids, and letting them know that you do.