Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional

Is this going to be a burden or a blessing? I was listening to a Dr. Oz radio interview in the car the other day. His guest was a man named Sean Stephenson, and although I’d never heard of him, I got a tingly feeling early on in the interview. My son was in the car, and I nudged him (he was on his own planet, listening to his ipod) suggesting that he might want to listen in. He reluctantly took off his headphones and tuned in to check it out. Sean was born with a rare disease. By the time he was 18 years old—long past his original life expectancy—he had broken over 200 bones. AND, he’s three feet tall, mobile via a wheel chair, and unquestionably a remarkable person who has been through a lot of life challenges. As he’s telling his story, Dr. Oz asks him to talk about the turning point in his life—the moment that changed him from feeling depressed, different and a victim of his disease to becoming the gratefu, joyful man he is today. Sean described an experience he had in the fourth grade. He was excited because it was Halloween, the one day of the year when he could dress up and sort of “blend in.” He accidentally caught his leg in his wheelchair, snapping his femur and immediately realizing he would have to be immobilized for at least six weeks…again. His mom came into his room to offer some comfort and distraction, but he was having none of it; he was miserable—as I’m sure we can easily understand. But then his mom gently asked him this question: “Sean, is this going to be a gift or a burden in your life?” With that question, his life changed. Even while his rational mind was scoffing at the idea that his condition could be anything but a burden, he began to have a kind of mystical experience. His mother continued by saying, “In life, pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” From this point on, he recognized that while he had different cards to play than others, he still had a full deck. He went on to alter his diet and include a daily exercise regine when he was 18, resulting in the fact that he hasn’t broken a bone since. He has graduated from college with honors, become a professional speaker, been appointed to serve on the Board of Directors for the National Association for Self-Esteem and worked at the White House as a Presidential Liaison for the Office of Cabinet Affairs. More importantly, he is a man who is on purpose, rich in loving relationships, connected to his heart, and content. My son kept his headphones off for the rest of the drive, commenting, “This guy is incredible!” It’s powerful and humbling to realize how we, as parents, have such power to inspire our kids.